Appreciating “And”
Do you ever think if one thing is true then the other automatically can not be true?
This is called all-or-nothing thinking. The cognitive distortion that a statement is either all true or not at all true. I’ll give you an example. I made a mistake at work the other day and I had a brief thought of “I’ve learned nothing, I can’t believe I did that”. My first thought was to assume I was incompetent/stagnant in my growth. This made me feel so powerless. But then I stopped and challenged that thought. I put it on trial and investigated evidences for and against it.
Yes, I had made a mistake. But I had also grown in other ways. And I caught my mistake quickly; whereas in the past, I wouldn’t have and/or just ruminated in it. So I re-framed this to an “and” statement. “I made a mistake AND I have grown and I am continuing to grow”. That made me feel so empowered compared to my first thought which distorted the reality of the situation. Here’s a few other all-or-nothing thoughts re-framed:
I can take rest AND still have a productive day.
I am feeling guilty AND I’m making the right choice.
I am making mistakes AND still making small amounts of progress each time.
I can set and enforce boundaries AND have a great relationship with them.
I can spend some money AND save it too.
I can argue with my partner AND still have a healthy relationship.
Take a moment to reflect on the different ways you can re-frame your all-or-nothing statements to include AND and appreciate the balance and middle ground.
